SOMBER MOOD AND MY SUNSHINE

I am not much in a blogging mood lately. But it has been a while and I know that some of you are worried about my father-in-law and my father.

There's not much more to report about my father-in-law. He has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. We are awaiting the biopsy results to determine how severe the beast is and what course of treatment to take. He still has the chest tube in as his lungs are still filling with fluid. Once they start to treat the beast the doctors feel that they will be able to remove the chest tube. Please continue to pray for my father-in-law as he is very depressed. Please pray that the presence of the lord overwhelms his spirit so that he has the strength to continue to fight the beast. Please also pray for my sister in laws and mother in law as they have to bear the majority of the stress daily in the hospital. It's exhausting physically and mentally.

As for my father, he seems to be doing better. He did have a mini stroke. There was no permanent damage to his brain or heart thank the lord. He is still having difficulty with his eye sight. It just seems that the 2 eyes do not want to work together. He is having a very hard time driving. Everyday seems to be a little bit better so please continue to pray for his healing.

Well, you know, when it rains it pours. My family received awful news this evening. My loving, compassionate Aunt was given 2 weeks to live today. Can you imagine getting an expiration date on your life? Of course she is dying from the beast. What else would it be? My aunt inspired me to adopt. She adopted 2 Korean and 2 African American children when I was younger. I have fond memories spending my summers on Cape Cod with my family. I always wanted to adopt because of my Aunt Ellie and cousins. I feel so helpless right now. All we can do is sit back and wait for her loving heart to stop beating. Life is not fair.

All of this has resurfaced such anger I have towards the beast. The beast has taken so many of my loved ones away from me. My mom never got to meet her granddaughter because of the beast. I miss her so much especially now that I am a mommy. I need her and always will. 5 years later, I can still hear her voice, feel her presence, see her face and hands clear as day, feel her warm embrace, but oh how I long to touch her one more time.

Dealing with all of this illness in my family makes me feel very vulnerable again. But through all of this darkness something is different. My little sunshine is here with me. Halainah is here to hug me and kiss me and reassure me that I am needed and she loves me. And somehow I think she knows exactly what I need to get me through the night. Tonight while I was extremely upset being I just received the news of my aunt, I was rocking Halainah to sleep. She must have kissed me 10 - 15 times right on the lips. My little angel knew I needed her love. She melts my heart and having her in my life is a dream come true.