SUNNY AND WARM...JUST WHAT I NEEDED

What a beautiful day...outside that is. It was sunny all day long and 65 degrees. It felt so good to take Halainah outside and get some fresh air. Fresh air is always good when you have a heavy mind. We didn't spend too much time outside as we had some errands to run. But Halainah was so interested in everything. I cannot wait for the flowers and trees to bloom. I think Halainah is going to want to be outside all of the time. She sat on our front steps for a while and let the breeze blow in her face. She had her eyes closed and her nose in the air. I wish I knew what she was thinking at that very moment. I don't think that she was able to enjoy fresh air that often in her orphanage.

Halainah loved being outside!
The breeze on her face felt so good!
Halainah loved her shadow by her feet too!
She still can't stand on her own yet so she used the fence for support!
Stop calling my name Mama, I'm busy right now!
Hmmm...what's this?
It feels scruffy...
What else can I find and feel out here?
Today was so beautiful outside Mama...when can we go out again?
Halainah in her Monkey PJ's...she is certainly a monkey when it's night night time. She's a good sleeper but boy does she put up a fight trying to get her to sleep!
Hey Jiu Jiu... I miss you! Mama wants to know if you spot something funny in this picture...DON'T PEAK AT THE NEXT PIC!
Mama and Dada bought me crocs...well fake crocs, even though she said she hated them and made fun of them! I'm so cute that I can make ugly shoes look good!
Oh and by the way...they are a size 3-9 months...I told you my China Doll has small feet!

SOMBER MOOD AND MY SUNSHINE

I am not much in a blogging mood lately. But it has been a while and I know that some of you are worried about my father-in-law and my father.

There's not much more to report about my father-in-law. He has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. We are awaiting the biopsy results to determine how severe the beast is and what course of treatment to take. He still has the chest tube in as his lungs are still filling with fluid. Once they start to treat the beast the doctors feel that they will be able to remove the chest tube. Please continue to pray for my father-in-law as he is very depressed. Please pray that the presence of the lord overwhelms his spirit so that he has the strength to continue to fight the beast. Please also pray for my sister in laws and mother in law as they have to bear the majority of the stress daily in the hospital. It's exhausting physically and mentally.

As for my father, he seems to be doing better. He did have a mini stroke. There was no permanent damage to his brain or heart thank the lord. He is still having difficulty with his eye sight. It just seems that the 2 eyes do not want to work together. He is having a very hard time driving. Everyday seems to be a little bit better so please continue to pray for his healing.

Well, you know, when it rains it pours. My family received awful news this evening. My loving, compassionate Aunt was given 2 weeks to live today. Can you imagine getting an expiration date on your life? Of course she is dying from the beast. What else would it be? My aunt inspired me to adopt. She adopted 2 Korean and 2 African American children when I was younger. I have fond memories spending my summers on Cape Cod with my family. I always wanted to adopt because of my Aunt Ellie and cousins. I feel so helpless right now. All we can do is sit back and wait for her loving heart to stop beating. Life is not fair.

All of this has resurfaced such anger I have towards the beast. The beast has taken so many of my loved ones away from me. My mom never got to meet her granddaughter because of the beast. I miss her so much especially now that I am a mommy. I need her and always will. 5 years later, I can still hear her voice, feel her presence, see her face and hands clear as day, feel her warm embrace, but oh how I long to touch her one more time.

Dealing with all of this illness in my family makes me feel very vulnerable again. But through all of this darkness something is different. My little sunshine is here with me. Halainah is here to hug me and kiss me and reassure me that I am needed and she loves me. And somehow I think she knows exactly what I need to get me through the night. Tonight while I was extremely upset being I just received the news of my aunt, I was rocking Halainah to sleep. She must have kissed me 10 - 15 times right on the lips. My little angel knew I needed her love. She melts my heart and having her in my life is a dream come true.

IN A SPLIT SECOND...LIFE CAN CHANGE AS WE KNOW IT

My family is about to walk the road that I never ever wanted to walk again. I am talking about the cancer road. I walked that road with my mother 5 years ago. It was the most horrible, scary, exhausting, helpless time of my life. My father-in-law was diagnosed with Lymphoma yesterday. We are not sure what sort of beast we are dealing with right now. He must go through a bunch of tests to determine the location and what stage it is. Please, please pray for my father-in-law for the determination and energy and health to beat this evil beast. Please also pray for my husband, sister-in-laws and mother-in law who needs the energy and peace that the lord will see them through this. Please pray for me as well that I can put my anger and bitterness against this disease aside so that I can be a solid support system for all of them. I never ever wanted to walk down this path again.

My father also needs your prayers as he suffered a mini stroke yesterday. He is still in the hospital and are not too sure the extent of the damage. He went in for a routine Cardiac Catheterization to make sure that there weren't any blockages. 3 hours after the procedure he was having trouble with his eyesight and wasn't able to walk straight. We rushed him back to the hospital and he was admitted immediately. Please pray that the stroke did not cause permanent damage and that he is able to recover from this ordeal quickly.

So life in our home has been very hectic. As new parents we are trying our best to be strong for Halainah. But somehow I feel that she senses our worry and depression. She has been very clingy and is fighting sleep strongly.

To all family and friends that have left me messages, I promise to return them tomorrow or the next day depending on what tomorrow will bring. Thank you so much in advance for your prayers.

I am adding a few recent pics. of Halainah. Her beautiful smile and restless personality always brightens my day, hopefully she will do the same for you!

I" HAVE HELD THEE IN THE PALM OF MY HAND." -Isaiah 51:16

On March 1st, 2009 we placed our daughter, Halainah Grace Qinyang in God's care forever more. Our precious gift from heaven above was welcomed into Christ's family with love.

We gathered with family and friends to celebrate the most important day in Halainah's life thus far, her Baptism. The ceremony was beautiful but hectic unfortunately. Afterwards we celebrated at "The Godparents" house (Aunt Bonnie's and Uncle Mario's). It was a very touching day. We have dreamt for 10 years of the day that we would baptise our child. But instead of dreaming about it, we lived it. We lived one of the best days of our lives. And our family and friends were there to support us which meant the world to us.

I need to personally thank Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Mario, Billy, Alyssa and CJ. I was so sick on Saturday night. My fever hit 102.7. Every single muscle hurt in my body. I had to go to the doctor and get a steroid shot in my bum because my sinuses were so stuffed and inflamed. It was the worst sinus infection I think I ever had. I thought for sure I was not going to be able to make it through my daughter's most sacred day. Thank you Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Mario, Billy, Alyssa and CJ for taking care of everything. Thank you so much for ensuring that Halainah's day was so special. I know how much work you all put into her day. I know how exhausting it was for all of you. And I am so sorry that I wasn't able to help more. Thank you is not enough. You all never cease to amaze me and I love you to the moon and back!

Halainah's Jiu Jiu (my brother) flew all the way from Colorado just to celebrate Halainah's special day. The last time Halainah saw her Jiu Jiu was in China. When Jiu Jiu got into the car at the airport Halainah stared at him. But a few minutes later she was smiling and laughing. When we got home she didn't want to be away from him. She was glued to his side. She definitely missed her Jiu Jiu. But the best part was that all weekend she would randomly kiss him and hug him. They would be playing and she would stop to kiss him and hug him. It really touched my heart. In fact when he said goodbye to fly back home, Halainah put her arms out as he walked out the door. I cried, it broke my heart to see him leave to go back home.


Halainah and her Jiu Jiu!

Jiu Jiu made Halainah this tin foil hat which she proudly wore.

Well just for a little while!
Halainah's beautiful Baptism dress that her Godparents bought for her.

Aunt Bonnie is getting Halainah dressed for her special day.
Halainah and Uncle Mario
Halainah and Aunt Bonnie

Blowing kisses to all of her fans!
All dressed and ready to go

The most important moment...
Grandma has been praying for this day. She never smiles in pictures. And she is smiling from ear to ear!

Our family with "The Godparents" Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Mario

We have a ton more pictures but I was careful about posting them. I am not sure which family members would allow their pictures on my blog.