HALAINAH'S FINDING AD

Since 1999, the orphanages in China are required to run a provincial newspaper advertisement for children that are found and brought to their orphanage. They are called "Finding Ads." These ads contain information about where and when the children were found and which orphanage is caring for them. Originally these were text-only ads, but most provinces now include photographs in their ads. These photographs are usually the earliest available pictures of the children, some from as young as a few weeks old.

We received Halainah's finding ad on Gotcha day which was January 4, 2009. She was handed to us along with a photo album, a bag of formula and rice cereal, a brand new bottle, a pre-made bottle and her finding ad. I tucked her finding ad away in our binder that contained all of our paperwork on that day. Even though I have been through our binder a dozen times since we have been home, I left her finding ad tucked away ever so neatly in the back.

Perhaps it's because I want to preserve it for Halainah when she gets older and wants as many clues to her past as possible. Or perhaps it's because there is something about it that saddens me so. In the short ad that was placed for her, it speaks of her birth date and the date in which she was found. I wonder, was she scared when her birth mother left her alone in front of her orphanage? I wonder, was she cold because it was November? I wonder, was she dressed warm enough or was she wrapped in a blanket? I wonder, if it was dark and scary outside? I wonder, who found her? I wonder, if this person was compassionate and held her close? I wonder, if this person whispered to her that everything was going to be alright? I wonder if she knew that she would never hear her birth mother's voice again? I wonder if her birth mother cried as she walked away from her newborn baby girl? I wonder if she left a note with her daughter? I wonder if she fed her before she left her so that she wouldn't be hungry? I wonder...and I wonder...and I wonder.

I believe there is just something about that little piece of paper that holds too many what if's for me, too many unknowns. But it was time to take out Halainah's finding ad and place it in her life book. It's a part of her past, regardless if it saddens me.



Halainah's Finding Ad was translated and it says, "Rao Qin Yang, female, born November 16, 2007 was found at the gate of the Shangrao Social Welfare Institute on November 17, 2007. She has a round face and little hair.