Thursday, May 14, 2009

4 PHENOMENAL MONTHS

Tomorrow marks 4 phenomenal months that we have been home living as a complete family. We finally felt whole the moment Halainah was placed in our arms. My arms that used to ache terribly to hold my daughter finally feels full. I no longer cry and wonder if I would ever become a mother. Halainah has given us so much love and affection in just 4 months that could last me a lifetime. I am amazed everyday on how well orchestrated God's plan was for us. How he made this all happen. Our daughter was on the other side of the world and we found her and she found us by God's grace (by the way Halainah's middle name is Grace). Our story is nothing short of a miracle. It's weird, but I miss China immensely. I miss touching a part of Halainah's homeland. I feel so full yet I still feel empty. It's so hard to explain. But I feel that I need to go back to China. I know that my daughter is still there. Another daughter, Halainah's mei mei. It's on my mind constantly. I go to bed thinking about China and wake up thinking about China. I have been told that we need to wait. We just brought Halainah home. We need to take time to enjoy our family. I love being told what I should do. And frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I need to start this process again. I have so many fears. I fear not being able to afford another adoption. I fear not knowing how I am going to support my family since I currently do not work. I fear losing everything. I fear not finding my daughter. But I hold strong to my faith. Faith that God will provide. Faith that this is the plan that was written for us. Faith that it will all work out in the end (by the way our next hidden treasure's middle name will be Faith) .

By the way, as I am typing this post the movie Cast Away is on. As I stopped to finish my thought I tuned into the TV. The movie just started and Tom Hanks was talking to all of the FedEx employees letting them know how important it is to deliver their packages on time. He gave a whole bunch of what if's...what if the package was this...what if it was that. And the next thing he said was..."what if there are adoption papers in this package?" Hmmmm...you think it's a sign?

Anywho, just to show you how much Halainah has changed in 4 months...let's go back to January 4, 2009, Gotcha day. The day Halainah was placed in our aching arms.

Look at that beautiful, sweaty face! In this pic. we already peeled off 4 layers of clothes.
She has changed so much to me from this pic...she has such a baby face here.
This is the director of Halainah's orphanage giving her a final kiss goodbye. She loved her so very much!
Our family with the director. She had tears in her eyes and it was so hard for her to say goodbye!

Our beautiful daughter today!
She has changed so much in 4 months!
Who needs toys. I don't know if you noticed in my last few posts but Halainah is holding onto the same plastic measuring tablespoon. For some reason, she carries it around with her all day long, everyday. Weird I know...maybe she's going to be a future chef!

2 comments:

Natalie said...

Wow, she really has grown! Sometimes we have to look back to realize how much they change because we're with them all the time. She just gets prettier and prettier!

And in regards to your other daughter who is still waiting for you...don't even think about what other people say. They always seem to have opinions, don't they? I have had all manner of nosey questions about our family and I always wonder, what do they care? Although not an adoptive mom, as a mom I understand how you feel. I pray you will get your chance again soon.

I am LOL about her carrying the spoon around because Lauren does some silly things like that, although it's usually taking them to bed. One evening, our power was out and I took the kids to the Mc Donald's drive thru to grab some dinner. I gave Lauren the receipt and asked her to check it and make sure it was right ;) Would you believe she went to bed that night clutching that receipt? LOL! She's such a silly girl. What was it she wanted to take to bed tonight...oh yeah, a leaf!

4 vs 1 said...

She has grown by leaps and bounds! Good job Mommy and Daddy!

I love her sweet face. I could just squeeze those precious cheeks!!!

I will continue to pray that Halainah has a little sister very soon!