Saturday, February 7, 2009

COMMENTS...NOT SO CUTE ANYMORE


Halainah and I surprised daddy at work on Friday by showing up for lunch. Lainey was the center of attention of course. She is such a ham. As soon as she has a crowd she will smile big, blow kisses, clap her hands and babble up a storm. Daddy lit up when he saw his Lainey bug and Lainey practically jumped out of my arms into daddy's. It was a fun day.

After wards, mommy and Lainey went shopping...which is my most favorite past time. I love the clearance racks at almost any store. I never buy anything at full price, it's either on clearance or I have a coupon. When we first got home from China, I thought it was sweet and cute how often we are approached in stores with comments about Halainah. Most comments are: wow, your daughter is so beautiful. But we have received other comments such as: where is she from? (Um hello, you can't tell by looking at her, I suppose her eyes don't give it away!) Where did you get her? (Online...they're cheaper that way!) How long did it take? (Oh I ordered her last month!) How much did it cost? (With or without shipping and handling?) Where are her birth parents? (Oh they live next door to us!) Oh she's so lucky...you know they kill the baby girls in China! (We are the lucky ones...and I wish I had a few hours to tell you the hard truth about China!) Are you happy? (No I spent 10 years in search of my daughter and here she is in my arms, but No I am not happy!) Sad part is that I could go on... and all of the amazing adoptive parents reading this know exactly what I mean. I think I am starting to dislike going shopping and my husband would pass out if he heard me saying that. One cashier told me that she saw me walk in and was hoping I would go to her register to checkout (yikes).

So I decided to count the amount of comments we received on Friday (went to Home Goods) and Saturday (went to The Jersey Gardens). Can you guess? 27 comments, again mostly, your daughter is beautiful. I am so tired of the comments and I am so tired of saying thank you. And I really don't want Halainah growing up being told how beautiful she is all the time. Is that wrong of me? Honestly? There's so much more to her than beauty. So I need a good comeback. All you followers out there...what is a good comeback for when you are approached countless times and told how beautiful your daughter is? Do I say, "And she's so smart too!" It literally took me 3 hours to go grocery shopping the other day because I was approached so often. 3 hours is way too long to be in the grocery store!

Ok...here are a few things I have learned so far:
-headbands and bows attract more attention...darn...do you know how addicted I was to EBAY and how many I actually have?
-if you don't make eye contact when you are being stared at you may be able to escape "the comments."
-cute shoes attract attention too...too bad I bought a boat load in China
-people don't laugh at the blue come backs I wrote above

Halainah wants winter to go away so she can go out and play.
Mommy, I am way too cute, please don't waste my time!

Halainah is dancing to mommy's horrible singing.
Happy Girl 99.9% of the time!
Cranky pants .5% of the time!
Halainah spots Alorah the kitty cat.
Halainah calls the kitty cat "mow".
Daddy just came home from work...the smile on Halainah's face is priceless!

Yes, she is Beautiful...but she's...(insert your helpful come back here)!

Mommy...I am getting so good at standing!

Can we call Grandma? I miss her! When is she coming to sleep over?
Oh it feels so good to kick back and relax!

Halainah Grace Qinyang our "Shining Light of God"!

5 comments:

Christy Hardwick said...

Hey there
Just a few things to share about your comments. Yes it sometimes get tiring and yes there are so many ignorant folks out there...but you are in a wonderful position to educate them. So we always take the high road and educate as much as we can. If you dont feel like talking just say so. Be honest to them. More often than not we are approached because the person is or did adopt, or they know someone who has or is in the process. You are now advocates of adoption like it or not. So really you can choose to get annoyed or take it in and realize that you are not the norm and people will stare and question sometimes. Even when the questions are rude I educate. Now Lily is old enough I also defer to her. If someone comes up to us and asks about her I say "Lily would you like to answer this nice person's question?" and more often than not she says no and I shrug and say...there you have it..smile and move on! It is a great way of also letting her tell her story if she chooses to. Sometimes she does. Lily is VERY proud of being from China. Anyway, try not to get so annoyed. Grayson is cute too and he gets all sorts of comments and he is not adopted. So comments are also part and parcel for having cute kids! We do sometimes say "and she is smart too"..so that one is good. Now when people say Marley is so cute, Lily blurts out.."so am I"! Not too much competition there! LOL!
Anyway, I know you sound frustrated now but you will get used to it. Also another point is that the kids pick up on when you are annoyed. I would feel terrible if Lily or Marley would ever think that being questioned about them is a negative thing. I want them to learn from my responses how to respond themselves in a positive way. If they learn from me to be annoyed and not wanting to talk about their story then it will do more harm than good. They should feel proud and able to share their story if they so choose. So learning from me about how to do that is really important. Just my 2 cents! So go shopping now will ya!
Also when will we get together with the kids? Dying to meet Halainah :)
XOChristy

A little piece of 7th heaven said...

Hey Dee,
I hear you on all that being stopped in the stores...It can be a headache at times, but you waited 10 long years to hear it so LIVE IT UP! I normally do not mind all the stopping and all the compliments...it is the touching I dislike..not so much anymore as she is not so teeny tiny anymore!
Enjoy it Dee, becaise 14 years ago if someone wanted to give a backhanded compliment to celeste they would say she is so beautiful but, so Chinese looking,,yeah her daddy is Chinese!...honestly that use to get me so irate! Not anymore as I can see the beauty in that..HA HA on them..and at least 14 years later when they bestow compliments on my children..that is just what they are...compliments! ENJOY IT!!!
Just enjoy Lainey..and be glad God handpicked you a beauty!
At least you did not encounter(yet) a weirdo demanding you tell her if you hear that everday! I felt so awkward saying yes!
When they ask how much she costs..just say you can't put a price on TRUE LOVE!
And even I get asked if I adopted Leanna...guess thre is none of ME in her..geesh!
Just look at it like Christy said a chance to educate..
and I look at it as a chance to meet some great people!
Truly enjoy your blessing...
plus, thanks Tony for those kind, kind words!
With much Love,
Annmarie

A little piece of 7th heaven said...

Oh Dee,
and I forget tell you..just say like I said in my previous post..Yes, she is beautiful, but what I want you to really see is her inner beauty..that is mostly how I have learned to answer...
hope it helps

Anonymous said...

Dee, I think you should say,"Thank you. She takes after my side of the family." :-) -Kate

Amber said...

Deanna,
This reminds me of a thought I had the other day: I waited so long for someone to call me "Mommy" and now Joey must say it no less then 100 times a day. Sometimes I just wish for silence! It doesn't matter how blessed you feel or how thankful you are, it's still annoying!
Love,
Amber
PS - She IS beautiful! ;)